More letters from the past… May 27, 2007

Here’s the continuation of the very long note I wrote my best friend when I was a sophomore in high school. The first part can be found below.

High Susan you are such a loser to come to school for a half a day of school even if you’re only here for one period because you have 7th free. I have no idea of what I am talking about. Do you? My hair looks like shit. So Susie what do I do? I am extremely tired and I have been having a nic fit for the past day. I gave Dawn a dollar yesterday and she hasn’t given me a pack yet [Cigarettes cost $.85/pack when I first started smoking, and we usually relied on Dawn to buy our cigarettes, though I don't recall why]. I’m gonna kill her because I have been needing a feeg [this was our word for cigarette, one of them anyway] for so long. Mr. Brandon is talking about the huge test we are going to take tomorrow. i am going to fail it and I am upset. I am such a loser right now. Everyone is a loser because I said so I am in a very shitty room mood. I can’t even write the right words down I dislike this pen. The ink doesn’t follow flow correctly. I haven’t done the reading so the test is gonna be very difficult. I’m gonna pitch this pen into my purse and withdraw another one. So I did. Aren’t you happy? My whole body aches from hunger and tiredness. I am going to make potatoes first thing when we get to your house, okay? My hair looks terrible. Last night I got so bored that I wrote a story but I didn’t finish it. I like it, and I’m gonna write it really good and next time we have to write a fiction paper, I’ll hand that in and get an A. I am such a loser. Mr. Brandon is telling us that we can’t just walk into a friend’s kitchen, open up the fridge and eat without getting punishments. I always do that at your house and I’ve never been punished. How gay I hate English teachers they are so queer.

34 more minutes of english. It is so damn boring. I will be very glad to get rid of it [little did I know that by senior year, I would have taken all my required classes but didn't want to graduate early, so I took two semesters full of English classes and gym]. I don’t know what I’m talking about. Mr. Brandon is saying things and I thinks he’s full of shit. My brain aches do you like this note? Are you enjoying it? Do you like how my handwriting changes every few sentences? I don’t know why this is happening. He keeps making parallels with the Bible. 8 pages of this note is pretty long. I wonder how much I can write in exactly thirty more minutes left. Guess what? I am going to take over your job of writing what happened to Herman:

Herman, who was in the delivery room, gazed in horror as the black baby’s head popped out of Elvira’s body. He thought to himself, “There must be some black genes back somewhere aways in mine and Elvira’s ancestors somewhere,” but he knew it wasn’t true. He knew Elvira had cheated on him, even with their child inside her. He felt terrible and betrayed, and he ran out of the room. Elvira’s love for him gave her the strength to get up and run after him, with the black baby’s head hanging out of her body. The doctors yelled after her but she pulled a gun out of her bra and said, “Get back, you ugly shitheads! Don’t touch me! I’ll shoot ya!” and she ran after Herman, although it was quite difficult to do so because of the baby hanging out. She grabs Herman and yells at him, saying “I know what you’re thinking but it’s not true. I was raped, RAPED by Mona’s quote unquote loyal slave! Raped Herman, raped. I didn’t say anything because he threatened to kill me if I did! Now do you understand?”

Herman said yes , and they kissed passionately when suddenly Elvira screamed and the baby popped out but ohmigod! The baby was black and white striped! Genetic discoveries! Elvira had made history again! 15 more minutes of this class! You must figure out the reaction of Herman and Elvira–what do they do with their piece of shit baby and their zebra baby? Discuss and return to me by tomorrow.

OH MY GOD

I am so queer! Nice story but I like it, don’t you? We really have to get together some kind of time line for the adventures of Herman and Wyatt Earp, okay?

13 MORE MINUTES OF THIS CLASS

then I get to have a nice relaxing cigarette. I can’t wait. Odysseus is a real show off. he is gay. This whole book just makes me so sick. It’s all about how great Odysseus is because he can get through all these ordeals. Mr. B assumes we have read the book but we haven’t so he’s having problems. My nose itches and I have to pick it very badly just kidding dearie! I hate all the people in this class who know things. Well dear, I think I must go now. I’ll give you this and you must write me back in it, okay?

Love,

Drug [was this my nickname? seriously? I don't remember that.]

PS–twelve long pages

———————————————————————–

Oh, for the love of Pete! Was I really this person once? I suppose I was. There’s written evidence of it. I vividly remember Mr. B. His lower lip would collect a ball of spit, and we’d make bets on who it would hit when it finally launched. His voice droned.

Just for fun May 26, 2007

Just for fun, I changed the theme. I’ll go back to the other one shortly. I just thought this one was pretty.

UPDATE: I changed it back already. I like this one.

Wow! Look! A post! May 23, 2007

So, I got inspired by this news article to dig out an envelope I have filled with letters that are twenty years old or more. I thought I’d share some of it with you all.

A little trip down memory lane…

The first little thing to fall in my lap when I pulled everything out was a bunch of chinese fortune cookie fortunes and a Bazooka Joe comic, paper-clipped together. I STILL refer to these things because I believe I was blessed by them.

Bazooka Joe foretold: You will never run out of money.

Fortune cookies:

You will inherit some money or a small piece of land.
Look! Good fortune is around you.
You will be showered with good luck.
You will inherit money and jewelry (I did, about three weeks after I got this fortune).
In God we trust; all others must pay cash (what the hell kind of fortune is that? I think I only kept it because it referred to money).

I’m glad I had faith in all those weird things, because I have NEVER run out of money. I’ve been close, but I’ve always managed to find some when it’s needed.

Another fun thing in the envelope was a spiral notebook–some crappy free thing given out at the beginning of the school year. In it is a note I wrote to my friend Susan:

Susie–where are you? You haven’t been in school for 2 days! We got this gay notebook in homeroom today. Guess who was in here (in my homeroom) helping the teacher? Ms. Markun. She left a while ago but now she’s back! She’s wearing this velour green dress with little elastic decoration on the sleeves (which are short) and the neck. Her bra is working a little better today but not good enough! I have a scummy homeroom, except for [name redacted, haven't seen this girl in 20 years, don't want to see her again via her attorney]. Melina has the best one. Carol, Steve, Matt, and lots of others are in it. Marie [don't even remember ever knowing a Marie, but it may have been Melina's sister] has a suspension tomorrow for ditching isn’t that funny. Dawn, Christy, and Joyce got drunk before school today in a little field by El Marquis. There is five more long minutes left of this boring homeroom. How do you like this note. We are all going to your house after school today whether you like it or not. My parents are being gay about my grades now (esp. my dad, of course). He wants to take me and my mom out to lunch next week to discuss my grades. My dad is such a damn homosexual [I'm guessing we thought of that as an insult, but of course, I no longer do, now that I know a lot of really awesome homosexuals]. I can’t stand him at all. Must go for now.

High! I’m back and I’m in etymology, which is extremely boring because we are supposed to be studying for tomorrow’s test but I’m not. Too bad, eh? Can you babysit at my house tonight for a couple hours? I certainly hope so! I have to babysit at 6, and my mom is leaving at 5:30 and Dad and John won’t be home until about 7:00 so can you please? Mamajul lulee [this is one of the pet names we had for my mother. I have no idea what the fuck it means] would really appreciate it. I have to babysit at Bell’s tonight please spare me. The woman makes me want to throw up if you know what I mean. She’s so damn annoying. Jane won’t stop bugging me about Steve [Jane, I remember, but Steve? No idea]. I wish they would both go crawl in a hole and leave me alone. I feel like a fool writing in this gay little notebook. Take a look at the front cover. Ain’t it nice? 19 more long boring minutes left what do I have to say nothing but oh my god!

NEWS BULLETIN

ON HERMAN & WYATT [don't ask]

Herman is living in sin with his sister Elvira, who just had their son Edgar. Now Edgar is a mighty disgusting looking little fellow. he is very short, about 5 inches long from head to toe and his skin is dark and lumpy, but not black. All his body parts are fat and lumpy, strangely resembling large pieces of shit! He is disgusting! His face is a large round lump of shit and he is completely bald. What an ugly deformity. The doctor informed Herman and Elvira that he discovered a terrible thing during an examination of the baby’s body. His brain was a large turd. The baby would probably not live for more than a few months. If he did, then he’d live for a long time. One very bad thing about him was that he always smelled like dogshit. GROSS! So Herman and Elvira accepted this disgusting baby, and started to live a life of happiness. Elvira’s stomach had swelled again, however, and upon examination it was found she was pregnant again, but it was due in a few weeks! She had fucked around a few weeks after having become pg with Edgar, and now she was the highlight of the science world, first having a piece of shit for a baby, and then having another baby 3 weeks after the first one! Strange! She soon had the baby, and it was BLACK! Tell what Herman’s reactions were…

That’s your job. I’m sick of writing but I have nothing else to do so I will! How are we all gonna get to your house, I wonder? Take the bus, would be logical. How are we gonna organize this I am so confused! Jeeze louise I have to find everybody and figure it out! Why didn’t you come to school today? You are such an ugly wimp. I dislike your babiness. How gay, not coming to school. Guess what I wore today. A skirt. Yes, I AM a dumbshit. I wore a skirt on a half day! Exactly five more minutes of this gay class! Bogus boringness! Poopak [that's really someone's name, but I have to use it because it was really her name and I can't believe I knew someone who's name was Poopak. Come to think of it, that bitch stabbed me in the back the year after this note was written] would’ve given me a ride to school, but I forgot to call her and ask her I am so silly. Maybe she’ll give me a ride home but she has 7th free so maybe she went home. Do you like this note? This note is about 6 pages long maybe 5 but I have problems. Yesterday my dad said I could learn how to drive the Triumph [a TR6, I forget the year] but you have to know how to count to drive a stick. Must go now.

Love,
Viki

Okay, so I continued this note for another 6 pages or so, but this post is already ridiculous, so I’ll continue it tomorrow.

First off, I love that last line, don’t you? I cannot WAIT to remind my father that he once said something like that to me. Although, I think I was failing Geometry at the time, so I probably deserved it.

Secondly, this note isn’t really all that amusing, but it’s a funny little peek inside the brain of a 15 year old girl in 1984-85.

Thirdly, I have a weird vague memory of this Ms. Markun person. She was some kind of roving helper lady, occasional substitute, and Susan and I hated her with some serious venom.

Okay, I posted. Happy now?

Tomorrow, the continuation of the note.

Hi May 15, 2007

I miss my blog.

I just handed in the last of my work for this semester, supposedly my last semester of classes. Maybe that means I’ll start writing in my blog more? I hope so, because I miss it.

I miss all the people I got to know who came here to read what I wrote, regardless of how silly it might have been. I miss being able to say whatever the hell I wanted to say.

I am returning, my friends. I am. Slowly but surely, the Viki will Babble again.