I’ve been baking cookies for HOURS. And I’m not done yet. My back hurts from standing for so long. The only thing that is making it okay is the bottle of wine I’ve been plowing through. I will, however, fully regret this bottle of wine in the morning, when I’m standing in front of 13 eighth graders, trying to run them through a writing workshop. I’m bringing them some of the cookies, however, and I’m hoping that bribery will work. “If you’re a good bunch of boys and girls, I’ll give you cookies!” I kinda doubt it, though. They’d rather torture me, I’m fairly certain.
I haven’t posted in a long time. My classes are over for the semester, but I still have a little work left over, and blah blah, long list of excuses you’ve heard a bunch of times before. I’m busy. If you’re so desperate to read what I’ve written, take a little trip through the archives. Read something from way back when, when I used to be entertaining.
Go Bears! Please. I made what seemed, at the time, to be a very wise bet, but I should have known better. What’s up with this Tank Johnson fool? Idiot. Gangster thug. If the Bears don’t drag their asses to the Super Bowl, I’m going to be very angry, and I’m going to blame Tank Johnson, just because I can, and I’m going to find him and bitch-slap him. It’s not like anything will happen to me. I mean, his bodyguard is dead, for God’s sake.
Oh, that was cold. Sorry.
Soon, I will be done Christmas shopping. Or Christmas will arrive and some people won’t get presents and then it’ll be over and too late for presents, and I’ll be off the hook. And then, I will post more. The kids will be home for their holiday break. I won’t have anything to do aside from work on my thesis, so posting to my blog will be an excellent way for me to procrastinate doing that.
Anyway, Happy Holidays, everyone. Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Kicky Kwanza, auf wiedersehen, Good Night. Adieu, adieu, to you and you and you.
Where’s my wine?
Maybe you need to bribe Tank Johnson to play better with your cookies… not play with your cookies… maybe you need to bribe Tank Johnson with your cookies to play better, and bitch slap the kiddies.
“I won’t have anything to do aside from work on my thesis, so posting to my blog will be an excellent way for me to procrastinate doing that”.
I hear you in more ways than one…
Fully enjoyed your synopsis of Tank Johnson and your plan to “educate” him. Though he is named “Tank”. Really, what do we expect?
Did you say wine? *sniff sniff* Hahaha lady i hear you about being soooo tired. Wine sounds excellent right now!
Happy holidays to you and yours Viki……. and i love your “Or Christmas will arrive and some people won’t get presents and then it’ll be over and too late for presents, and I’ll be off the hook.” hahahahah awesome thought process, can i borrow it?
Maybe, if you bribe me with a cookie, I won’t complain about your infrequent posts.
Maybe.
John
P.S. The Cowboys are looking pretty strong right now. Occasionally. I’m thinking of a bet…
I’ll be starting on the wine in about five minutes…don’t know how I let it get past 6pm and not yet start happy hour…guess I’ve been having too much fun decorating my site. The cookies (about ten pounds of them) are arriving from my sister in New York via FedEx tomorrow. Guess I’ll need an extra bottle or three to wash them down.
Buon natale!!
Couple of thoughts:
1. Tank Johnson would own you. Have you seen him? He’s not named Tank for nothing. He’s named Tank for owning suburban housewives who talk shit on blogs.
2. We won the NAIA national championship…I was on ESPN…and I still didn’t get a cool nickname like Tank. HOW FUCKING GAY IS THAT?
1. Whatever. He had to give up the pit bulls he was keeping in cages in his back yard, the ones who would fight and cause ruckuses, causing the late Willie Posey to shoot guns into the air in a residential neighborhood, which led to the raid, which led to Tank’s arrest on charges of possessing guns without a FOID card. And when they took away the pit bulls? He cried. I think his name should be taken away, and instead, we should start calling him “Matchbox Car” Johnson.
2. That’s fantastic! I wish you had told me when the game was on, I would have watched.
And, I’ll think up a nickname for you. Too bad Fridge and Tank are already taken.
I wasn’t near a computer for a week otherwise I would have and Tank is harder than anyone you know…TRUST ME…I’m more trustworthy than a gynecologist.