If I could walk down the block and take a picture of this without calling all kinds of attention to myself, I would. I’m considering having my daughter do it, so that anyone who sees her will just think she’s cute and that she’s taking pictures of the pretty flowers.
The phenomenon? People who, yearning for the first blooms of spring and unable to wait even one hot damn minute later nor able to plant some fucking pansies for christ’s sake, available at any fargone hardware store or freakin’ grocery store, stick FAKE BLOOMS IN THE FUCKING DIRT AROUND THEIR HOMES!!!!!
I’m sure this phenomenon is not unique to the woman who lives down the street from me. I’ve actually seen it done before, most commonly with fake pointsettias in window boxes and crap like that. But in the name of all that is green, what would possess you to do such a thing? It’s not like fake flowers are all that cheap. The ones in her yard appear to be silk! Or at least a reasonable facsmile therof. What goes through a person’s mind that causes them to think this shit up?
One proposed scenario?
“Oh, this Chicago winter is so bleak, so cold, so grey and gloomy. I cannot bear it but a moment longer. I yearn for the fresh blooms of spring. I cannot wait for my tulips to begin to pop from the ground. OH WAIT. I FORGOT TO PLANT MY BULBS LAST YEAR! Moan and groan, what do I do?”
She sits, staring out the window, chin rested on hand, raising the other to wipe a fat tear from her eye. Then suddenly, she zips upright, points one finger in the air and cries:
“I know! I’ll stick all those crappy fake flowers from that box in the attic in the ground! That’ll do it!”
The thing is, it didn’t really go like this. Oh no. She shops for these things. This is not an afterthought, a way of reusing a resource already at hand. This is fully intentional, and she’s been doing it for years. Oh, hell. I’ve got to get a picture of this to further illustrate what I’m trying to talk about here.
In the meantime, if anyone reading knows the origin of this ridiculous practice, please leave me a comment. I need to understand.
Okay, and also? Remember my recent post where I went through my search strings and talked about all the weird things that have landed people here? Well, because of it, I am getting an unbelievable, I mean truly unbelievable number of hits from people all over the world looking for one particular phrase. What do you all think it could be? (Hint: it was mentioned in the first post, and someone also commented about it. That’s a big freaking hint.)
Sorry, one of those hits was me. I had to know who Vikki Blows was.
I’m with you on the fake flowers. I even hate pansies because they look so fake. OK, maybe not FAKE, fake–just commercial. They’re like the go-to cheap flower for every strip mall and office building site, and they never actually let them grow so they always look utterly unnatural. Blobs of color in regimented rows with perfect mulch background. Blech.
Fake flowers? Seriously? BLEH!