For my friend Allison September 28, 2005

This song just happened to come on iTunes when I was reading Allison’s last post on her blog. She may appreciate the name of the band, but I’m not sure she’d like the music. However, I think the lyrics apply.

Sit and Listen to the Rain, Whiskeytown

Sit around, dream away the place I’m from
Used to feel so much, now I just feel numb
I could go out tonight, but I ain’t sure what for
Call a friend or two I don’t know anymore

Sit and listen to the rain
Sit and listen to the rain

Gonna ride down to the river where it runs
Gonna watch TV and pray for decent reruns
Sit around and dream away what I’ve become
Used to feel so much, now I just feel dumb

Sit and listen to the rain
Sit and listen to the rain

I’ll never understand this emptiness
I’ll never really try and understand, I guess
I’ll never understand this emptiness
I’ll never really try and understand,
Try and understand, I guess

Sit around, dream away the place I’m from
Used to feel so much, now I just feel dumb
Could go out tonight, but I ain’t sure what for
Call a friend or two I don’t know anymore

Sit and listen to the rain
Sit and listen to the rain

More Craigslist weirdos September 28, 2005

Okay, WHAT? Ewww. Yeah, I’m pregnant, and I’m going to hook up with some guy who’s posted on craigslist who wants to “explore sexually” with a pregnant woman. He might as well have just signed this one “Creep.”

Then there’s this guy: Cocky Asshole Seeks a Saint

I’m successful at work, great in bed, handsome, fit and very confident. I am a bad boy. I like to drink, 420 and stay up late. I don’t call enough, or so I’m told. I party in Europe, Palm Beach and New York. I am the man your mother warned you about.

You are, on the other hand, a beautiful, sweet caring girl who sees that deep down I really am a good man—it’s all just a tough guy act I put on because I am uncomfortable with my vulnerability. You can’t resist this. Now be a nice little girl and send my a photo and tell me a little about yourself.

Scary thing is? There’ll probably be women FIGHTING EACHOTHER to get their hands on this prick. Why? Because some women are STUPID.

However, this guy guy makes the above cocky asshole look like a pussy.

Do you want an “Arrangement” but haven’t been able to make it happen. There are two major reasons.
1)Whatever you may think from the movies,the number of men who actually have both the resources and willingness to part with those resources toward an “accommodation” is very small compared with the number of women seeking.
2)For some strange reason women think they can set the rules when in point of fact it is the employer who almost always sets the rules for any situation in our world.Plus as we all know there is no such thing as a free lunch.
I am willing to bet that I am the only man advertising here who actually has the resources and the willingness to make a long term “accommodation” become reality. I will call the shots until we get to know each ,so lose the attitude, and follow the rules. If you doubt I am for real, can’t stop being a Diva long enough to answer in a half way polite manner, don’t want to follow my instructions exactly, or do not exactly meet my requirements, leave now. Be ready to send me 3 good,clear photos immediately.
Answer with your real first name and a cell or home number that you can be easily reached at. A cell number you never answer is a waste of time for both of us.
Tell me what I can do for you. Aim high ,but don’t be insane. In the end your requirements will be compared with others,so be proud but realistic.
Have a clue and treat this as seriously as a job interview.
Tell me where you live city, and cross streets,who with,how much privacy you have.
How many hours and which hours are you available?
Be prepared to take additional photos and answer all questions as required.
Ask whatever questions you want but respect that you are the one being interviewed.
Tell me if you drive,have a car?
This is no BS and you must be ready to begin in the next few days

There are so many ways to go at this loser, but I’m going to pick one. You’re this much of an overbearing asshole in your AD, and you want me to hand over not only my home and cell phone numbers, but the city I live in and the cross streets? I might as well just e-mail you with the subject line: Hi! Your ad sounds great! Why don’t you come rape and kill me, here’s my address!

This guy should be reported to the authorities. I wonder why he’s no longer practicing?

Manic? Bi Polar? Off Meds? Need to Talk?

I am a kind,understanding,therapist who can talk to you,treat you, and make you feel better in return for your company.I am not currently practicing and this would be a personal not professional relationship.Being able to chat on the phone is a must.If you have seen this ad before and have been tempted to write,please do. Talk to me,I can help.

And why do you think that being able to chat on the phone is a must? Probably because he needs to chat on the phone FROM PRISON.

Gosh, I’m real tempted by this one:

Note to those who have seen this ad before.I get replies everytime I run this ad.Mostly bad replies from women who start by saying what I offer is “too good to be true” and finish by saying its not good enough.I am offering a fair ,sincere deal.Answer me only if you are ready to take me up on it as written.

Perhaps we can together make both our dreams come true.

Here are the requirements.
You must be no older than 36.You must be willing to send 5 good photos that show in clear detail you and the areas you want worked on. I must find something about you attractive and sexy even before any work is done. Maybe just your butt,or eyes,or the way you kiss,but there has to be something. I have to be able to trust you 100%.
Here’s the Deal
You do the leg work.You make a complete item by item list of what you want done ,who you want to do it ,and about what it will cost.It can be anything big or small but I have to agree to each procedure individually. I would only veto something I did not think would improve your looks .I get to choose in what order the procedures are done.You “pay” for each procedure individually by spending time with me at a mutually agreed upon rate in advance of each proceedure.We will discuss this in detail over the phone ASAP if I am interested.You have the chance to quit after each procedure. Please do not waste my time,this is the only arrangement I am offering,exactly as it is worded. I will only be involved with one person at a time, and I am eager to start, so answer now

Good god. WTF is up with these people? And these are only the men seeking women. I haven’t yet started perusing the women seeking men, or the women seeking women, or the men seeking men.

What the hell is Bunco? September 28, 2005

I had a comment on my last post about my boots, asking what the hell bunco is.

So, for those of you who don’t happen to be suburban housewives, bunco is a game. While it is true that it is virtually the stupidest game ever to be played, its main purpose is not so much playing the game, but socializing.

You have a group of 12 or 16 (or more, in multiples of four) people (usually women, because I can’t see any man having either the patience or the stamina for a game like this). You set up tables of four, and four women sit at each table. You’ve got three dice at each table, and each woman at each table takes a turn rolling the dice. The first round, you are rolling for ones, the second round for two’s, and so on. You roll until you don’t get any of the number you are trying for. If you get three one’s, that’s BIG BUNCO! And everyone at your table turns into an idiot and screams out BIG BUNCO!!! like a moron, and that round is over. Or, once twenty one’s have been gotten by a team (each table has two teams of two), the round is over. After the three’s and after the sixes, you switch tables, thus the socializing aspect, as everyone moves around a lot and you don’t get stuck talking to the same person all night, like you would if you just had a damn party. We play 5 rounds.

It sounds a lot more complicated than it is. The first time you play, you are mystified (and usually, half-drunk) and after a few rounds, and you catch on, you feel like a complete dolt for not understanding it in the first place.

The good part is, everyone puts in $20, so if you play with a group of 12, like I do, we split up the money like this: the biggest loser (the person who got the least amount of wins) gets their $20 back. The person with the most BIG BUNCOs (that was me last friday) gets $140. The person with the most “little” wins gets $80 (that was also me last friday, hence the purchase of a brand-new pair of kick-ass Frye boots).

I’m not sure I explained it very well, and there are myriad variations in the game. Some people only play for $5, some switch tables after every single round. Some give weird mystery gifts. There’s always food, and there’s always a sweet and a salty snack at each table. And in the case of my bunco group, there’s always LOTS OF BOOZE.

New Boots September 24, 2005

I won Bunco last night! $220! Whoopee! Of course, I could have used that $220 to offset the $280 I spent on food and booze in order to host Bunco at my house last night, but I didn’t.

Instead, I went out and bought these:

Is it wrong to love two pieces of finely crafted leather the way I love these boots? Is it wrong that I’ve been wearing them all day with sweatpants? Is it wrong that I plan to sleep in them?

I would go out and kick some ass in these boots tonight, but I don’t want to get anybody’s blood on them.

Looking for a… September 24, 2005

I was visiting one of my favorite blogs, Nomen Est Omen, and she wrote a funny post about the desperate and funny ads on craigslist. Not that I’m looking for anyone, mind you, but I was bored. And, I like making fun of people.

First, there’s this guy. I feel so bad for him, and the fact that he’s using all caps in order to catch some lucky lady’s attention. Well, I did feel bad for him, until I got to the bottom and saw his pictures. I have absolutely nothing against tattoos, okay, let’s just say that right up front. I love tattoos, and even his are rather sexy. However, I’m thinking that when you’re as desperate to meet a woman as this poor fuck is, you might not want to include a picture of your back, while you’re cooking at your crummy stove in your obviously crummy apartment, slugging from either a bottle of beer or quite possibly a small bottle of Jack Daniels. It just doesn’t inspire the confidence, if you know what I mean. Other than that, the guy’s not half-bad looking, if you like desperate Italians.

Then, I found this keeper. Um, yeah, okay. What do you think is going on here?:

Hello to a special lady that is slim and small breasted, a little bigger is ok but small is smooth

Hmmm, freaky. Small is smooth. Okaaaay.

This guy is really sorry. He messed up bad. He knows it. Dawn, give him a chance. Unless he messed up bad by beating the crap out of you or by cheating on you. If so, fuck him. Loser.

Then there’s this winner. White male wants to masturbate in front of a woman in person. Need I say more? This guy wants to MASTURBATE in front of STRANGERS. He’d like you to BRING A FRIEND. Don’t anybody e-mail him. He’s mine. All mine.

Then there’s this guy, who wants you to masturbate while he masturbates! I’m starting to sense a trend here. Am I really so sheltered? I just find it so damn bold that people would be posting personal ads asking for such specific things. Maybe I need to get out more. Then again, maybe I need to stay home all the time and tune out the rest of the world.

However, if this guy really looks like his picture, I might be able to be persuaded to strap on a dildo and have my way with him. He’s fucking HOT.

Since this individual is looking for the “smartest woman in the world,” I feel somewhat obligated to let him know that it’s me, and that I’m not interested. Why? Because he’s not worthy. Fucking craigslist desperado.

I’m answering this ad. I don’t think explanations are necessary. It’s kind of obvious, don’t you think? I could let the cleaning lady go, and spend the $60 I pay her every two weeks on a new pair of shoes for myself.

These are starting to freak me out, but I can’t stop reading them. I’ll be back if I find any more worth mentioning.

Bloggers Political Speech Rights September 23, 2005

Got this from Bloglines this morning. I’m curious to know what you all think of this issue. Basically, (very basically) if any of us, as an individual blogger, write about our support for a particular candidate, and feature links to their sites on our sidebar and links to other various supporting organizations, and we also either gave money to their campaign ourselves OR featured a means for our site visitors to contribute to that candidates campaign, we are subject to campaign finance reporting rules.

My question is, how is blogging different than talking amongst the people in your neighborhood or workplace about your views, other than that you have a wider audience? Do you think it is different? How different is it than, say, putting a sign in your front yard supporting your chosen candidate? Passing out fliers? Do you think we should be subject to campaign finance reporting rules?

This IS an attempt to attack our free speech rights. What would happen to blogging, obviously political blogging in particular, if every politically-minded blogger were subject to campaign finance rules?

I mean, what would happen? Because I don’t know. I don’t think it would stop the speech, myself. However, it would prevent political bloggers from either donating money to their chosen campaign, or from collecting money for their chosen campaign. Is this a bad thing?

Is this really the way our government needs to reform campaign finance?

Statement by Mark Fletcher
Founder, Vice President and General Manager of Bloglines
Concerning
Regulation of Political Speech on the Internet
Before the
Committee on House Administration
U.S. House of Representatives
September 22, 2005

Chairman Ney and Members of the Committee:

On behalf of Bloglines and our users, I am pleased to provide the following statement concerning regulation of political speech on the Internet. Bloglines, founded in 2003, is a free online service for searching, subscribing, creating and sharing news feeds, blogs and rich web content. The company is a property of Ask Jeeves, Inc., a wholly-owned business of IAC/InterActiveCorp, and is headquartered in the San Francisco Bay Area.

We believe it’s critical for us to speak out on behalf of individual bloggers who, while empowered by the Internet, have a limited capacity to carry messages to Congress. We commend you and the Committee for convening this hearing and focusing needed attention on this issue.

We urge Congress and the FEC to ensure that the Internet, particularly blog activity, remains free from campaign finance regulation. While regulation of campaign financing plays an important role in maintaining public confidence in our political system, we believe the significant public policy interests in encouraging the Internet as a forum for free or low-cost speech and open information exchange should stand paramount.

Linking to campaign websites, quoting from or republishing campaign materials and even providing a link for donations to a candidate, if done without compensation, should not result in a blog being deemed to have made a contribution to a campaign or trigger reporting requirements.

Blogs permit the expression of and access to a diversity of political opinions and other information on a scale never before seen. This speech must remain free and not be discouraged by burdensome regulation. As such, it should be explicit that the activities of bloggers are covered by the press exemption of Sections 100.73 and 100.132.

Should the FEC fail to provide this critical protection to Internet activity, or if courts determine the Commission lacks statutory authority, we urge Congress to promptly move legislation to achieve the goal. Thank you for this opportunity to share our comments on this important issue.

Romantic Ramblings better Ramble the hell on out of Texas September 21, 2005

Romantic Ramblings

One of my favorite blogging friends is John at Romantic Ramblings. He was one of the first to start commenting on my blog regularly, and he’s been trying hard to publish a book.

Anyway, he lives in Texas, directly in the path of Hurricane Rita, and has just returned home from a very long vacation. He posted today about trying to decide whether or not to evacuate. His wife’s mother is not very mobile and lives in a retirement center, and that is the main reason he isn’t getting the hell out right now.

It’s putting a much more human face on all of this for me. I won’t lie-I did have those “Why didn’t they leave when they had the chance?” thoughts in the first days after Katrina hit.

Since, then, I’ve opened my eyes a bit and see that it’s not as easy as it sounds. I’ve forced myself to think about whether or not I would leave. I’m quite sure I’d be one of those who would hang on too long, sure that I could outlast it, sure that it would shift direction before it hit me, etc.

Plus, I hate sitting in traffic.

All of this-first Katrina and now Rita-is really starting to wear on me. I’m sad and feel hopeless and helpless.

Maybe I should go stock up on canned goods and bottled water, and make sure I’ve got fuel for the campstoves and duct tape. Maybe that would make me feel better.

NBC5.com – News – Hurricane Rita Upgraded To Category 5 September 21, 2005

NBC5.com – News – Hurricane Rita Upgraded To Category 5

So, what do you think? Has our government learned its lesson quickly enough?

Plah. September 19, 2005

That’s what I feel like this morning. If you say, Hey, Vik, how’s it goin’?, I’ll respond by sticking my tongue out at you and saying “Plah.” I have no idea what the hell Plah is supposed to mean, but go ahead, say it, and then you’ll get the general idea what I’m talking about.

My dogs have taken to pissing wherever the hell in the house they feel like it. This morning, I discovered my favorite flip flops floating in a puddle of piss in the dining room. Then, later, I discovered that someone pissed on my suitcase, which has been sitting in the corner of my bedroom for months. They piss on the end of the bed. They piss on the dining room chairs. One of them goes down to the basement and pisses on the big brown garbage can John has down there while he’s “working.” (It’s mostly full of beer bottles and a couple of stray ceiling tiles.)

We’re going to have to go back to crating them when we leave to go anywhere, and at night when we sleep. It will make for better sleeping conditions for me, I’ll tell you that much. Sleeping with three dogs and a husband, even if it is in a king size bed, isn’t really all that conducive to actual sleep. The problem is that the two we think are the culprits (because they’re boys) are the biggest whiny bitches on the planet, and they’ll probably cry all fucking night long, and we’ll give up on the whole crating enterprise after about an hour and a half.

But I’ll tell you, I’m getting really tired of spraying fucking Febreze all over everything, and of cleaning up piss puddles in my goddamned dining room. It’s rainy today, too, and the humidity really brings out the odors, if you know what I mean. My entire house smells like dog and it’s just disgusting. I may have to leave.

I have a crap load of homework to do for class tonight. I really did work hard all week to get things done, but there’s just too much of it. Wah wah, poor me.

Anyway, I’ve not been the most attentive blogger to my little corner of the internet here lately. Partly that’s because of school starting, and partly I’m getting tired of whining about politics, and partly because I’m just not in a funny mood.

Like I said, plah.

I’m bored September 17, 2005

You are 87% Cancer

How much do you match your zodiac sign?